patyx @ 2006-08-25T02: 49:00
That helps me mourn ... yeah, I wonder that, that I use ... Right now I feel strange ... so many things haunt my mind ... I would love to express what I feel right now with those big words that make some learners but even I have that ability ... I'm like, I can not find ways to express what I feel, I just express my heart and mind as they feel ... Many Sometimes I wonder why I take things so seriously if the only thing that's leads me to suffer ... to feel pain ... I often wonder why I have to be so, because I can not just build a shell in my heart that never can suffer ... just live, without complexity, something so simple ... because I do everything complicated? Firmly believe in destiny and I believe firmly that everything happens for a reason ... forever ... and one thing leads to another ... but what will really be your destiny? You never know if you think of the facts that lead you to what really is your life or if you just used to suffer once again as the last time you thought that was your destiny ... and now thought again and no. So ... can be done? The answer would be living every thing that happens ... but what if they always carry some pain? I suppose everyone will say here ... life is a struggle and we all have to suffer. I have only 18 and I went through so much over the years seem to take very many years and living. But no, only 18. I guess I still play both to live ... and here I questioned this as an absurd ... and really just starting to live. And yes, I think life is a struggle. A fight between each and the circumstances ... but sometimes feel like giving up ... then the destination is what each one chooses, I suppose. What each sees fit at all times ... just need to fight ... I've always said that the problems or obstacles we create ourselves ... and is completely true. The question is ... because we can not get rid of them as we create them and because we creaaannn ... So many headaches. When there is only one reality ... that you actually want. I do not want adversities ... I do not want ... and I believe them myself, it's too ironic. Barely two days ago decided not to take anything seriously. Not to suffer. And it really had taken a little step forward ... and I saw everything differently ... but hey, it seems that all my colleagues today adversity came to visit me. I suppose as we all come to give from time to time. Otherwise, nothing would be funny, right? I guess it works. I just know something. I will what the heart tells me ... what I really feel heart, always. Maybe it's my destiny ... could be one more, but I think it is. And I will fight until the end ...
not pretend that no one asked me what happens. Just wanted to vent, I needed it. And I have nobody and no one could really explain everything as I have done here because it simply would be lost in my complex world. It is rather late and I wrote this last thing will be in today. Or you may still mulling over his head when I get in bed ...
jaw hurts: S is annoying.
Incidentally, I have here my monitor. Everything is in underway. Modem, monitor and pc all fine again.
I love you ... and I will fight for you. Whatever happens ... I'll be there in January. And everything, absolutely everything will come around. In the same way that I decided not to take anything seriously I also set out to do what you want, always, no matter what. And what I want most is to be by your side. I want you to have the opportunity to meet there in person and show you as I am for truth and show you my feelings for you and you and you really realize this is real.
Enfin, probably tomorrow I'll regret having written it here. Although I have to learn from a saying that a good friend told me ... Never regret what you do, repent what do not. So I will not ever miss any opportunity to not ever regret not having done what I wanted.
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